Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
