ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
