Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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