I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
