When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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