Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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