I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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