a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
