my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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