two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
