I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
