2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We need to get me chipped asap
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