It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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