man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
