Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
