I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
