my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So squirting runs in the family.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
