I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
