Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
