So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize