the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
