I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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