I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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