What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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