$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
