Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
