this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
