all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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