Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
whose parrot is this?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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