you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
