last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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