she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she peed on how many people?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
