can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just threw up on my dentist
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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