The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
