just come out here and I will go home with you...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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