"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
