I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants