God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.