Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi