Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.