You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.