You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.