The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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