What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
