I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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