How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
