I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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