I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
