yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
