dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
