i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
