How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just pynch a tree in the face
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
