walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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