in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
