dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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