i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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