I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
high people should be assigned attendants
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
