You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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