And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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