I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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