we have officially lost it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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